“My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to Your word." -Psalms 119:28
This past week, I went on a long car ride. It’s my time alone with God when I need to pray and really hear what He’s trying to tell me.
We all have a way we approach Him. My way goes like this, “God, I really do not understand. Please help me to understand.” Then, I proceeded to tell Him how I was feeling and ask how come He was allowing it. I am not interested in ever doing things my way. I learned a long time ago to do things God’s way even when those things were extremely painful. In the end, there were important reasons as to why I was instructed to do it a particular way. It might not make sense to me or others, but it’s ok. We are called to obedience.
Just as I was having this conversation with God, I felt my heart so heavy, and I started crying as I was driving. I told God, “Honestly? Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to deserve this too?” All of a sudden, as I was going down the winding road, opposite of my direction came a woman, running and pushing a stroller with two babies in it. I used to exercise the same way when my children were babies.
God spoke to me through that picture. This what He told me. “You know exactly how that woman feels right now. You remember running and pushing your children in the carriage? She’s going on level ground. You ran uphill and steep hills pushing that baby carriage with all your might and strength ready to drop dead, and your children felt no pain. You did all the work. They were clueless of the pain, sweat, and strength you put into your exercise. You don’t have to take this on you. I have you. Let me do the pushing, and let me take you where I need to take you.”
Then, He showed me vivid pictures of those times running with my kids. I saw in my mind Justin with his pacifier in his mouth, looking around, hands up in the air, little legs kicking, hands banging on the carriage tray, then taking his pacifier out of his mouth, and saying, “Mommy again” when I came down running down the hill. He wanted me to go back up. He loved coming with me. No wonder he loves to run with me now. Ellianna was totally different. She laid down, no pacifier for her. She sucked her little thumb and slept the entire hour. Totally opposite, different child. She will not run with me like her brother.
However, God brought back those memories because He was telling me something. He continued to speak to me. “You did all the running. Justin enjoyed the ride, and Ellianna was peacefully asleep. Both your children weren’t worried, stressed, and upset. They didn’t tell you which road to take. They came along for the ride. I am working out everything for your good. Your best, My will and purposes for your life, will come to pass. Will you enjoy this exercise I’m taking you through like Justin did? Will you be at peace and content with no worry or thought like Ellianna? The choice is yours. I’m letting you know I’m very much with you. I am the God that knows everything. I see intentions, thoughts, and secrets of the heart. I know it all. There’s nothing I don’t see and don’t know. Don’t let your heart be heavy. Be at peace. I’m the one leading you. Do what I tell you to do.”